I scatter things I write. Despite being organized, I do not have consistency for blogging, journaling or writing in general. Sometimes the feel of a notebook and pen in my hand is fitting, other times I need to crank out what’s in my head, so I type. This lets my body keep up with the outpouring of thoughts and lessens fatigue. There’s times, I do think it lessens emotions and sometimes restricts creativity.
Sometimes I write a blog post that I fail to even publish.
People started stealing my phrases a long time ago when I publicly blogged and wrote professionally for websites. “Drop me a line sometime” is actually a phrase I coined. “Insert ___ >here<” is also one of my phrases. I circulated the use of the pipe | on the internet which then became a design style. I stopped using http:// and www. in front of URLs because I thought they looked tacky and ugly. If you can’t figure out that it goes in front anyways, then I’m sure you have bigger problems like trying to figure out dentures require epoxy to stay in your mouth.
When I signed up for WordPress I decided not to share it with too many people until it started formulating into something worthwhile. I actually want people to read my works, but I don’t want to be known and I don’t want to divulge too much about the people I know and have people figure out the who’s-who in the circles I run in, if that makes sense. I was at Comicon this year and overheard people remarking to each other, “I used to see her when I worked in the Greedy Call Center in M__.” I was at comic book store a year prior with friends and a stranger standing in line behind me asked me if I worked at GoDaddy. My first day on the job at GoDaddy, a stand-in trainer asked me where I lived and when I was hesitant to reveal personal info the substitute trainer told me they had seen me use my wheelchair all over town and in their neighborhood. When I went back to work at the World of Red, a kid came up to me and told me they had seen me at Comicon. All of these instances are encounters with strangers, awkward and embarrassing, don’t really lead to forging friendships, and actually interfere when I am out with friends or family. These people I bump into and are not ones I am acquainted with. There are a few significantly longer past experiences where I did feel threatened and/or stereotyped dye to mistaken identity. Sometimes it’s good to be recognized. Overall I find peace of mind with anonymity.
Feel free to share, critic, or not read this blog. I ask you not to share my name if you happen to actually know who I am, (I ask you to refer to me as “A” or “Crazy A”) distinctive information or where I live. I used to write for a couple of websites and needed to keep my professional persona clean, while wanting the freedom of expression for my personal persona. I created aliases and pen names for myself. Thankfully I have a common name so I’m no longer on the first page of internet search results.
As you can imagine, one of the adverse side effects of living with a noticeable long term disability is, I end up as an assigned mascot for too many things. I suppose it’s why I take it to heart to act responsibly and try to do the right thing or make a difference on some scale. Can’t be sure who will remember me from where, even if I no longer belong to that place/organization/corporation. I don’t want to turn into an internet mascot strangers recognize and find myself in superficial conversations with those strangers when all I want to do is go grocery shop without changing from my sweat pants or brushing my greasy unkempt hair on my day off. I like to stay behind the scenes.